How one novel changed my perception on love, loss and growing up
Myself, along with everyone else, have lost someone they care about; a fact of life. But the certainty of an event or situation doesn't make it easier, I would argue that it makes it harder; knowing you have to lose someone but not being able to stop yourself from loving them in the meanwhile despite knowing the hurt it will cause in the end. In my opinion, getting to love someone, even if only for a day, is one of life's beauty's disguised in tragedy and melancholy. The loss I think is the most gut wrenching is the loss of someone who's still alive, the erosion of a friendship or perhaps the dissipation of the will to keep trying with a family member after too little too late. Those are the losses you will grieve the most even it it is hidden under layers of anger and resentment. I've lost many people that way; sometimes I'll walk by them in town and recognise their face and remember the remnants of who they once were and what I saw in them. Do they remember why we were friends? Do they care?
When I was around fourteen or fifteen I bought a book by Ocean Vuong titled 'On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous' without knowing anything about the novel that lay in front of me. That one single book changed my perception on so many fundamental aspects of human emotions and nature just from words written on a page that I'll never forget; that is the power of literature. Vuong made expert use of combining prose and poetry seamlessly to create a beautiful and melancholic piece of modern literature (I don't use that lightly) that delved into love, loss and growing up in a way that no other novel has. Learning to love yourself and those around you, understanding that you need to let go of people, growing up differently, all spoken about in such attentive and tender detail to convey Vuong's experience of growing up an immigrant in the United States in a turbulent household but to also illustrate the common nature of these experiences within humankind. That is what made me fall in love with this novel and what I still reference back to it so often even after three years and having expanded my scope a lot.
Love is such an overarching theme in life that can be applied to so many aspects of day-to-day life; from loving the rainy days where nothing feels better than a sip of warm tea to loving your little sister for being her wild self, something I forgot how to do too many years ago. Vuong's novel delves into learning to love yourself and the small things that surround you to appreciate life and living for that way that it is and not the way it could be. Another lesson Vuong really grapples with is learning that love is painful and a constant push and pull, in his case with his mother but I thoroughly believe it can be applied to any kind or form of love. For me, it reminds me of sibling love. 'Yes, I do sometimes hate you and not want to be around you' but other times it's so unique and specific that it makes me want to do nothing more than go back ten years and do it all over again. I think when a novel provokes these intense emotions and yearning it cements itself as a true piece of literature and art that's both so intensely personal yet can be shared with others.
Loss is perhaps one of the most universal human experiences that every must face and endure. The effects of loss is a spectrum that's ever-changing as a reflection of how you, an individual, are constantly growing and adapting in the face of your environment. Perhaps one of the most painful experiences I've ever had was realising that in order to grow as a person and truly feel better I have to separate and distance myself from those who negatively impact me. That single revelation (from reading Vuong's novel) changed the trajectory of my life in so many ways that I can't describe and I hope it was for the better, I think it was for the better but the horrifying truth is that there is no way to truly know. There is no other foot, this is it. I truly think Vuong's novel found me in a time where I felt lost within the world, an angry teenager struggling to define myself and not having any answers to the world or help to navigate it. I still feel that ways some days but by coming to terms that I, along with everybody else, will never know the answer to the world, I will never see the shoe on the other foot, this it it. This concept aided in helping me to understand that everyone was just as confused and lost as I was but they had already learnt to just keep going.
It would be a huge disservice to not discuss the theme of growing up within the novel as it plays such a prevalent part in everybody's life and is a time filled with change, anxiety, uncertainty and hope. I think the disparity and sheer range of the adolescent experience is what makes that time period in life so inviting for writers and artists to use when creating their works, connecting both a deeply personal and intimate experience with the collective and shared experiences of others to craft a necessary reflection on what once was for all of us. While Vuong's experiences in life may be far different from mine in many aspects, particularly culturally, his experience in trying to navigate the many ups and plentiful downs in adolescence through the conflicting emotions of trying to understand the world, rejecting conformity, loving a bit too much too soon, heartbreak, laughing with friends on a sunny day.
I've always been bad at goodbyes and conclusions, maybe in the back of my mind saying goodbye feels like I'll never see someone or be at the same place again. However, I feel like I'll write another blog again but then again nothing is certain, I hope I do though. I know most of this was rambling but isn't that what writing is? Just one big ramble we try to make sound smart and sophisticated to be taken seriously? Regardless, if you've made it this far thank you! I hope this wasn't a complete waste of your time and at least provoked a bit of thought.
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